Pyramids Read online

Page 15

 

  He waved a cloth.

  All things are defined by names. Change the name, and you change the thing. Of course there is a lot more to it than that, but paracosmically that is what it boils down to.

  Ptaclusp IIb tapped the stone lightly with his staff. The air above it wavered in the heat and then, shedding a little dust, the block rose gently until it bobbed a few feet off the ground, held in check by mooring ropes.

  That was all there was to it. Teppic had expected some thunder, or at least a gout of flame. But already the workers were clustering around another block, and a couple of men were towing the first block down towards the site.

  Very impressive, he said sadly.

  Indeed, sire, said Dios. And now, we must go back to the palace. It will soon be time for the Ceremony of the Third Hour.

  Yes, yes, all right, snapped Teppic. Very well done, Ptaclusp. Keep up the good work.

  Ptaclusp bowed like a seesaw in flustered excitement and confusion.

  Very good, your sire, he said, and decided to go for the big one. May I show your sire the latest plans?

  The king has approved the plans already, said Dios. And, excuse me if I am mistaken, but it seems that the pyramid is well under construction.

  Yes, yes, but, said Ptaclusp, it occurred to us, this avenue here, you see, overlooking the entrance, what a place, we thought, for a statue of for instance Hat the Vulture-Headed God of Unexpected Guests at practically cost-

  Dios glanced at the sketches.

  Are those supposed to be wings? he said.

  Not even cost, not even cost, tell you what Ill do- said Ptaclusp desperately.

  Is that a nose? said Dios.

  More a beak, more a beak, said Ptaclusp. Look, O priest, how about-

  I think not, said Dios. No. I really think not. He scanned the quarry for Teppic, groaned, thrust the sketches into the builders hands and started to run.

  Teppic had strolled down the path to the waiting chariots, looking wistfully at the bustle around him, and paused to watch a group of workers who were dressing a corner piece. They froze when they felt his gaze on them, and stood sheepishly watching him.

  Well well, said Teppic, inspecting the stone, although all he knew about stonemasonry could have been chiselled on a sand grain. What a splendid piece of rock.

  He turned to the nearest man, whose mouth fell open.

  Youre a stonemason, are you? he said. That must be a very interesting job.

  The mans eyes bulged. He dropped his chisel. Erk, he said.

  A hundred yards away Dioss robes flapped around his legs as he pounded down the path. He grasped the hem and galloped along, sandals flapping.

  Whats your name? said Teppic. Aaaargle, said the man, terrified.

  Well, jolly good, said Teppic, and took his unresisting hand and shook it.

  Sire! Dios bellowed. No!

  And the mason spun away, holding his right hand by the wrist, fighting it, screaming . . .

  Teppic gripped the arms of the throne and glared at the high priest.

  But its a gesture of fellowship, nothing more. Where I come from-

  Where you come from, sire, is here! thundered Dios.

  But, good grief, cutting it off? Its too cruel!

  Dios stepped forward. Now his voice was back to its normal oil-smooth tones.

  Cruel, sire? But it will be done with precision and care, with drugs to take away the pain. He will certainly live.

  But why?

  I did explain, sire. He cannot use the hand again without defiling it. He is a devout man and knows this very well. You see, sire, you are a god, sire.

  But you can touch me. So can the servants!

  I am a priest, sire, said Dios gently. And the servants have special dispensation.

  Teppic bit his lip.

  This is barbaric, he said.

  Dioss features did not move.

  It will not be done, Teppic said. I am the king. I forbid it to be done, do you understand?

  Dios bowed. Teppic recognised No. 49, Horrified Disdain.

  Your wish will certainly be done, O fountain of all wisdom. Although, of course, the man himself may take matters into, if you will excuse me, his own hands.

  What do you mean? snapped Teppic.

  Sire, if his colleagues had not stopped him he would have done it himself. With a chisel, I understand.

  Teppic stared at him and thought, I am a stranger in a familiar land.

  I see, he said eventually.

  He thought a little further.

  Then the - operation is to be done with all care, and the man is to be given a pension afterwards, dyou see?

  As you wish, sire.

  A proper one, too.

  Indeed, sire. A golden handshake, sire, said Dios impassively.

  And perhaps we can find him some light job around the palace?

  As a one-handed stonemason, sire? Dioss left eyebrow arched a fraction.

  As whatever, Dios.

  Certainly, sire. As you wish. I will undertake to see if we are currently short-handed in any department.

  Teppic glared at him. I am the king, you know, he said sharply.

  The fact attends me with every waking hour, sire.

  Dios? said Teppic, as the high priest was leaving.

  Sire?

  I ordered a feather bed from Ankh-Morpork some weeks ago. I suppose you would not know what became of it?

  Dios waved his hands in an expressive gesture. I gather, sire, that there is considerable pirate activity off the Khalian coast, he said.

  Doubtless the pirates are also responsible for the non-appearance of the expert from the Guild of Plumbers and Dunnikindivers? Teppic said sourly. [15]

  Yes, sire. Or possibly bandits, sire.

  Or perhaps a giant two-headed bird swooped down and carried him off, said Teppic.

  All things are possible, sire, said the high priest, his face radiating politeness.

  You may go, Dios.

  Sire. May I remind you, sire, that the emissaries from Tsort and Ephebe will be attending you at the fifth hour.

  Yes. You may go.

  Teppic was left alone, or at least as alone as he ever was, which meant that he was all by himself except for two fan wavers, a butler, two enormous Howonder guards by the door, and a couple of handmaidens.

  Oh, yes. Handmaidens. He hadnt quite come to terms with the handmaidens yet. Presumably Dios chose them, as he seemed to oversee everything in the palace, and he had shown surprisingly good taste in the matter of, for example, olive skins, bosoms and legs. The clothing these two wore would between them have covered a small saucer. And this was odd, because the net effect was to turn them into two attractive and mobile pieces of furniture, as sexless as pillars. Teppic sighed with the recollection of women in Ankh-Morpork who could be clothed from neck to ankle in brocade and still cause a classroom full of boys to blush to the roots of their hair.

  He reached down for the fruit bowl. One of the girls immediately grasped his hand, moved it gently aside, and took a grape.

  Please dont peel it, said Teppic. The peels the best part. Full of nourishing vitamins and minerals. Only I dont suppose youve heard about them, have you, theyve only been invented recently, he added, mainly to himself. I mean, within the last seven thousand years, he finished sourly.

  So much for time flowing past, he thought glumly. It might do that everywhere else, but not here. Here it just piles up, like snow. Its as though the pyramids slow us down, like those things they used on the boat, whatdyoucallem, sea anchors. Tomorrow here is just like yesterday, warmed over.

  She peeled the grape anyway, while the snowflake seconds drifted down.

  At the site of the Great Pyramid the huge blocks of stone floated into place like an explosion in reverse. They were flowing between the quarry and the site, drifting silently across the landscape above deep rectangular shadows.

  Ive go
t to hand it to you, said Ptaclusp to his son, as they stood side by side in the observation tower. Its astonishing. One day people will wonder how we did it.

  All that business with the log rollers and the whips is old hat, said IIb. You-can throw them away. The young architect smiled, but there was a manic hint to the rictus.

  It was astonishing. It was more astonishing than it ought to be. He kept getting the feeling that the pyramid was . . .

  He shook himself mentally. He should be ashamed of that sort of thinking. You could get superstitious if you werent careful, in this job.

  It was natural for things to form a pyramid - well, a cone, anyway. Hed experimented this morning. Grain, salt, . . . not water, though, thatd been a mistake. But a pyramid was only a neat cone, wasnt it, a cone which had decided to be a bit tidier.

  Perhaps hed overdone it just a gnat on the paracosmic measurements?

  His father slapped him on the back.

  Very well done, he repeated. You know, it almost looks as though its building itself.

  IIb yelped and bit his wrist, a childish trait that he always resorted to when he was nervous. Ptaclusp didnt notice, because at that moment one of the foremen was running to the foot of the tower, waving his ceremonial measuring rod.

  Ptaclusp leaned over.

  What? he demanded.

  I said, please to come at once, O master!

  On the pyramid itself, on the working surface about halfway up, where some of the detailed work on the inner chambers was in progress, the word impressive was no longer appropriate. The word terrifying seemed to fit the bill.

  Blocks were stacking up in the sky overhead in a giant, slow dance, passing and re-passing, their mahouts yelling at one another and at the luckless controllers down on the pyramid top, who were trying to shout instructions above the noise.

  Ptaclusp waded into the cluster of workers around the centre. Here, at least, there was silence. Dead silence.

  All right, all right, he said. Whats going . . . oh. Ptaclusp IIb peered over his fathers shoulder, and stuck his wrist in his mouth.

  The thing was wrinkled. It was ancient. It clearly had once been a living thing. It lay on the slab like a very obscene prune.

  It was my lunch, said the chief plasterer. It was my bloody lunch. I was really looking forward to that apple.

  But it cant start yet, whispered IIb. It cant form temporal nodes yet, I mean, how does it know its going to be a pyramid?

  I put my hand down for it, and it felt just like . . . it felt pretty unpleasant, the plasterer complained.

  And its a negative node, too, added IIb. We shouldnt be getting them at all.

  Is it still there? said Ptaclusp, and added, Tell me yes. If more blocks have been set into position it wont be, said his son, looking around wildly. As the centre of mass changes, you see, the nodes will be pulled around.

  Ptaclusp pulled the young man to one side.

  What are you telling me now? he demanded, in a camel whisper. [16]

  We ought to put a cap on it, mumbled IIb. Flare off the trapped time. Wouldnt be any problems then . . .

  How can we cap it? It isnt damn well finished, said Ptaclusp. What have you been and gone and done? Pyramids dont start accumulating until theyre finished. Until theyre pyramids, see? Pyramid energy, see? Named after pyramids. Thats why its called pyramid energy.

  It must be something to do with the mass, or something, the architect hazarded, and the speed of construction. The time is getting trapped in the fabric. I mean, in theory you could get small nodes during construction, but theyd be so weak you wouldnt notice; if you went and stood in one maybe youd become a few hours older or younger or- he began to gabble.

  I recall when we did Kheneth XIVs tomb the fresco painter said it took him two hours to do the painting in the Queens Room, and we said it was three days and fined him, said Ptaclusp, slowly. There was a lot of Guild fuss, I remember.