The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents Read online

Page 4

 

  Your legs havent exploded, said the kid. Maurice groaned. It was never a good idea to be rude to a smell of beer. But the rat-catchers were at the stage where, against all the odds, they thought they were funny. Ah, well said, young sir, but thats because lesson one at the Guild of Rat-catchers school is not letting your legs explode, said Rat-catcher 1. Which is a good thing cos the second lesson is upstairs, said Rat-catcher 2. Oh, I am a one, arent I, young sir? The other rat-catcher picked up the bundle of black strings, and his smile faded as he stared at the kid. Aint seen you before, kid, he said, And my advice to you is, keep your nose clean and dont say nothing to nobody about anything. Not a word. Understand? The kid opened his mouth, and then shut it hurriedly. The rat-catcher grinned his awful grin again. Ah. You catch on quick, young sir, he said. Perhaps well see you around, eh?

  I bet youd like to be a rat-catcher when you grow up, eh, young sir, said Rat-catcher 2, patting the kid too heavily on the back. The kid nodded. It seemed the best thing to do. Rat-catcher 1 leaned down until his red, pock-marked nose was an inch away from the kids face. If you grow up, young sir, he said. The rat-catchers walked away, dragging their dogs with them. One of the terriers kept looking back at Maurice. Very unusual rat-catchers they have hereabouts, said the cat. I havent seen rat-catchers like them before, said the kid. They looked nasty. Like they enjoyed it.

  I havent seen rat-catchers whove been so busy but still have nice clean boots, said Maurice. Yes, they did, didnt they… said the kid. But even thats not as odd as the rats round here, said Maurice, in the same quiet voice, as though he was adding up money. Whats odd about the rats? said the kid. Some of them have very strange tails, said Maurice. The kid looked around the square. The queue for bread was still quite long, and it made him nervous. But so did the steam. Little bursts of it puffed up from gratings and manhole-covers all over the place, as if the whole town had been built on a kettle. Also, he had the distinct feeling that someone was watching him. I think we ought to find the rats and move on, he said. No, this smells like a town with opportunities, said Maurice. Somethings going on, and when somethings going on, that means someones getting rich, and when someones getting rich, I dont see why that shouldnt be m-us.

  Yes, but we dont want those people killing Dangerous Beans and the rest of them!

  They wont get caught, said Maurice. Those men wouldnt win any prizes for thinking. Even Hamnpork could run rings round em, Id say. And Dangerous Beans has got brains coming out of his ears.

  I hope not!

  Nah, nah, said Maurice, who generally told people what they wanted to hear, I mean our rats can out-think most humans, OK? Remember back in Scrote when Sardines got in that kettle and blew a raspberry at the old woman when she lifted the lid? Hah, even ordinary rats can out-think humans. Humans think that just because theyre bigger, theyre better-Hold on, Ill shut up, someones watching us… A man carrying a basket had stopped on his way out of the Rathaus and was staring at Maurice with a good deal of interest. Then he looked up at the kid and said, Good ratter, is he? Ill bet he is, a big cat like that. Is he yours, boy?

  Say yes, Maurice whispered. Sort of, yes, said the kid. He picked Maurice up. Ill give you five dollars for him, said the man. Ask for ten, Maurice hissed. Hes not for sale, said the kid. Idiot! Maurice purred. Seven dollars, then, said the man. Look, Ill tell you what Ill do… four whole loaves of bread, how about that?

  Thats silly. A loaf of bread shouldnt cost moren twenty pence, said the kid. The man gave him a strange look. New here, are you? Got plenty of money, have you?

  Enough, said the kid. You think so? It wont do you much good, anyway. Look, four loaves of bread and a bun, I cant say fairer than that. I can get a terrier for ten loaves and theyre mad for rats… no? Well, when youre hungry youll give it away for

  half a slice of bread and scrape[1] and think youve done well, believe me. He strode off. Maurice wriggled out of the kids arms, and landed lightly on the cobbles. Honestly, if only I was good at ventrilosqwism we could make a fortune, he grumbled. Ventrilosqwism? said the kid, watching the mans retreating back. Its where you open and shut your mouth and I do the talking, said Maurice. Why didnt you sell me? I couldve been back in ten minutes! I heard of a man who made a fortune selling homing pigeons, and he only had the one!

  Dont you think theres something wrong with a town where peopled pay more than a dollar for a loaf of bread? said the kid. And pay half a dollar just for a rat tail?

  Just so long as theyve got enough money left to pay the piper, said Maurice. Bit of luck there already being a plague of rats here, eh? Quick, pat me on the head, theres a girl watching us. The kid looked up. There was a girl watching them. People were passing up and down the street, and some of them walked between the kid and the girl, but she stood stock still and just stared at him. And at Maurice. She had the same nail-you-to-the-wall look that he associated with Peaches. She looked like the kind of person who asked questions. And her hair was too red and her nose was too long. And she wore a long black dress with black lace fringing. No good comes of that sort of thing. She marched across the street and confronted the kid. Youre new, arent you? Come here looking for work, have you? Probably sacked from your last job, I expect. Probably because you fell asleep, and things got spoiled. That was probably what it was. Or you ran away because your master beat you with a big stick, although, she added, as another idea struck her, you probably deserved it because of being lazy. And then you probably stole the cat, knowing how much people would pay for a cat here. And you must have gone mad with hunger because you were talking to the cat and everyone knows that cats cant talk.

  Cant say a single word, said Maurice. And probably youre a mysterious boy who- The girl stopped and gave Maurice a puzzled look. He arched his back and said prppt, which is cat language for biscuits!

  Did that cat just say something? she demanded. I thought that everyone knew that cats cant talk, said the kid. Ah, but maybe you were apprenticed to a wizard, said the girl. Yes, that sounds about right. Thatll do for now. You were an apprentice to a wizard, but you fell asleep and let the cauldron of bubbling green stuff boil over and he threatened to turn you into a, a, a-

  Gerbil, said Maurice, helpfully. -a gerbil, and you stole his magical cat because you hated it so much and-whats a gerbil? Did that cat just say “gerbil”?

  Dont look at me! said the kid. Im just standing here!

  All right, and then you brought the cat here because you know theres a terrible famine and thats why you were going to sell it and that man would have given you ten dollars, you know, if youd held out for it.

  Ten dollars is too much money even for a good ratter, said the kid. Ratter? He wasnt interested in catching rats! said the red-haired girl. Everyones hungry here! Theres at least two meals on that cat!

  What? You eat cats here? said Maurice, his tail fluffing like a brush. The girl leaned down to Maurice with a dreadful grin, just like the one that Peaches always wore when shed won an argument with him, and prodded him on the nose with a finger. Got you! she said. You fell for a very simple trick! I think you two had better come with me, dont you? Or Ill scream. And people listen to me when Im screaming!

  CHAPTER 3

  “Never go into the Dark Wood, my friend,” said Ratty Rupert. “There are bad things in there” - From Mr Bunnsy Has An Adventure Far below Maurices paws, the rats were creeping through the undertown of Bad Blintz. Old towns are like that. People build down as well as up. Cellars butt against other cellars, and some of the cellars get forgotten-except by creatures that want to stay out of sight. In the thick, warm, damp darkness a voice said, All right, whos got the matches?

  Me, Dangerous Beans. Feedsfour.

  Well done, young rat. And who has the candle?

  Me, sir. Im Bitesize.

  Good. Put it down and Peaches will light it. There was a lot of scuffling in the darkness. Not all the rats had got used to the idea of making fire, and some were getting out of the way. The
re was a scratching noise, and then the match flared. Holding the match with both front paws, Peaches lit the candle stub. The flame swelled for a moment and settled down to a steady glow. Can you really see it? said Hamnpork. Yes, sir, said Dangerous Beans. I am not completely blind. I can tell the difference between light and dark.

  Yknow, said Hamnpork, watching the flame suspiciously, I dont like it at all, even so. Darkness was good enough for our parents. Itll end in trouble. Besides, setting fire to a candle is a waste of perfectly good food.

  We have to be able to control the fire, sir, said Dangerous Beans calmly. With the flame we make a statement to the darkness. We say: we are separate. We say: we are not just rats. We say: we are The Clan.

  Hrumph, said Hamnpork, which was his usual response when he didnt understand what had just been said. Just lately hed been hrumphing a lot. Ive heard the younger rats are saying that the shadows frighten them, said Peaches. Why? said Hamnpork. Theyre not frightened of complete darkness, are they? Darkness is ratty! Being in the dark is what a rat is all about!

  Its odd, said Peaches, but we didnt know the shadows were there until we had the light. One of the younger rats timorously raised a paw. Um… and even when the light has gone out, we know the shadows are still around, it said. Dangerous Beans turned towards the young rat. Youre-? he said. Delicious, said the younger rat. Well, Delicious, said Dangerous Beans, in a kindly voice, being afraid of shadows is all part of us becoming more intelligent, I think. Your mind is working out that theres a you, and theres also everything outside you. So now youre not just frightened of things that you can see and hear and smell, but also of things that you can… sort of… see inside your head. Learning to face the shadows outside helps us to fight the shadows inside. And you can control all the darkness. Its a big step forward. Well done. Delicious looked slightly proud, but mostly nervous. I dont see the point, myself, said Hamnpork. We used to do all right on the dump. I was never scared of anything.

  We were prey to every stray cat and hungry dog, sir, said Dangerous Beans. Oh, well, if were going to talk about cats, growled Hamnpork. I think we can trust Maurice, sir, said Dangerous Beans. Perhaps not when it comes to money, I admit. But he is very good at not eating people who talk, you know. He checks, every time.

  You can trust a cat to be a cat, said Hamnpork. Talking or not!

  Yes, sir. But we are different, and so is he. I believe he is a decent cat at heart.

  Ahem. That remains to be seen, said Peaches. But now we are here, lets get organized. Hamnpork growled. Who are you to say “lets get organized”? he said sharply. Are you the leader, young female who refuses to rllk with me? No! I am the leader. Its my job to say “lets get organized”!

  Yes, sir, said Peaches, crouching low. How would you like us to be organized, sir? Hamnpork stared at her. He looked at the waiting rats, with their packs and bundles, and then around at the ancient cellar, and then back to the still-crouching Peaches. Just… get organized, he muttered. Dont bother me with details! I am the leader. And he stalked off into the shadows. When hed gone, Peaches and Dangerous Beans looked around the cellar, which was filled with trembling shadows created by the candlelight. A trickle of water ran down one crusted wall. Here and there stones had fallen out, leaving inviting holes. Earth covered the floor, and there were no human footprints in it.